B-day #32...

Yesterday was birthday number 32. Thanks to my fam I enjoyed wonderful all-throughout-the-day-food, some great b-day shopping, and even a GPS-required-geocache scavenger hunt. Here's some pics of the day...

You are Not in Control

There are some questions that receive attempts at answering as quickly as they are posed.  There is a quick and confidently uttered, "Well, ......." followed by hums, haws, and round-about attempts to finish the answer.  In my experience (i.e., my experience of listening to others' attempted answers) such a question is, "What does it mean to be a man?"  I think this is a good question that is lacking, in my experience, a thoughtful response.  I'm not suggesting it is a simple question but, in fact, is quite perplexing.  Nonetheless it is important and thus deserving discussion--discussion en route to a thoughtful response.  Not a discussion which amounts to little more than men barking out arrogant (yet insecure) remarks about "bein' a man" whilst beating chests and talking in a weird low voice reserved for such moments....and then sealed off with awkward jokes that only serve to reinforce a lack of rootedness in identity....ironically revealing very unmanly attempts at defining being a man.  Anywho, that's off the cuff and does not come with a "works cited" page.

This question "What does it mean to be a man?" surfaces again as I am reading a book by Franciscan priest, Richard Rohr entitled, Adam's Return: The Five Promises of Male Initiation.  This book is written to inspire a new generation of men to reassess what it means to be a man and to invite men to go through the initiations that every culture has required of it men.  Affirming that men are people, not gods, Rohr writes that men need to confront suffering, loss, and death before they can live with genuine wisdom and vision and become leaders in the broader culture. 

The five promises of male initiation that Rohr unpacks are: 1) Life is Hard; 2) You are Not Important; 3) Your Life is Not about You; 4) You are Not in Control; and 5) You are Going to Die.  

Now, each of these promises are thoughtfully articulated and framed by the Gospel.  For example:

• It is true that you are not that important, but: "Do you not know that your name is written in the heaven?" (Luke 10:20) 
• It is true that life is not about you, but: "I live now not my own life, but the life of Christ who lives in me." (Gal. 2:20) and "Your life is hidden with Christ in God.  He is your life, and when he is revealed, you will be revealed in all your glory with him." (Col. 3:4)

I have just finished the chapter 'You are Not in Control" and I wanted to share some of the words below to contribute to the discussion of "what it means to be a man"  (Aside: indeed as you first read  these "promises" you see they are not limited to men but to all humanity.  However, given the nature of the book they are discussed in the context of men specifically).

You Are Not in Control

"A phrase that dominates much of the self-help jargon of our society is "take control of your life."  To be in control of one's destiny, job, or finances is an unquestionable moral value of today.  It even sounds mature and spiritual.  On a practical level it is true, but not on the big level.  Our bodies, our souls, and especially our failures, teach us this as we get older.  We are clearly not in control.  It is amazing that we have to assert the obvious.  This is not a negative discovery but, in fact, the exact opposite.  It is a thrilling discovery of one's fate, divine providence, being led, being used, one's life having an inner purpose, being guided, having a sense of personal vocation, and owning one's destiny as a gift from God.

Learning that your are not in control situates you correctly in the universe.  You cannot understand the joy and release unless you have been there.  You come to know that you are not steering this ship.  It is essential if one is to feel at home in this world, and it is found in all classic heroes, mystics of all religions, and Christian saints.  They know they are being guided, and their reliance upon that guidance is precisely what allows their journey to happen.  What perfect symbiosis!  (See Romans 8:28ff if you need confirmation.)  The tragic hero, in classic theater, is precisely the one who ignores or denies this destiny or this guidance, because of hubris or pride.

But I must warn you; it will initially feel like a loss of power, a humiliation, a stepping backward, a silly dependency.  The Twelve-Step programs have come to the same counterintuitive insight.  You must get through that most difficult first step of admitting you are powerless before you can find true power.  What a paradox true spirituality is, and what a humiliation for the imperial ego.  It is the necessary and universal starting point for a serious spiritual walk, which probably tells you that true spirituality will never fill stadiums and seldom creates cheering crowds.  If it does, it is surely not the Gospel or any true wisdom tradition.

The spiritual teacher must loosen the novice's grip on his own projects, his exclusive self-directedness, and his willfulness.  This loosening was done through training in being led and taught, through various forms of schooling in obedience, and through walking with an elder.  This was the only way to destabilize the ego's natural self-will, which wants total control.  We see this willfulness is very little children.  As Gerald May, one of my own teachers, so rightly says, willfulness must become willingness in the world of the Spirit: 'Willingness implies a surrendering of one's self separateness, and entering -into, an immersion into the deepest process of life itself.  It is a realization that one already is part of some ultimate cosmic process.  In contrast, willfulness is a setting of oneself apart from the fundamental essence of life in an attempt to master, direct, control, and otherwise manipulate existence."

As I think through the question of what it means to be a man (and what it means to be human) I must have a starting point that my identity is in Christ.  As such, my identity precedes my performance.  I am accepted by Christ out of that identity I "perform" or live life.  It is not that I perform in order to be accepted by Christ.  For some reason this sounds straightforward...like directions for eating baby food by often when you go to eat you are not sure if you are chewing right and you end up spilling and coughing some up...wondering why everyone else seems to have this routine down.

The big thing I want to affirm is that people, male and female, come to see who they are in Christ and that men (since I is one) can have thoughtful dialogue(s) about what it means to be a man and encourage eachother to be men whose identity & performance is shaped deeply by a rootedness in Christ rather than heroic attempts to write their own story or make something of themselves...either for themselves or others.

Persuasion | Tim Keller